im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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