there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
