Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
