like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
