I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
