I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
