I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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