I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
