is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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