we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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