Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
