took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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