Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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