3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
