okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
