I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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