I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
