it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize