I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
