i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I am spending my child support on dildos
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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