Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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