the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
