Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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