She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
