I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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