I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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