Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
