im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
