Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Randomize
