you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
