i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Hippo gnu deer
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
