I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
