So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
