It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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