If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
