The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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