what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
