I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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