my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
