paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
