all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
