fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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