I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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