oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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