i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You were trust falling into bushes
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
