I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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