I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
please don't ironically join a cult
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