what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
