distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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