I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
my sisters under your porch take her home
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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